I don’t quite know what it is about the county fairgrounds of San Luis Obispo and Amador counties that provide the facilities for our junior and high school rodeos. But it must be that either the fair board or the fair manager are germaphobes, probably both. Last year at the SLO fairgrounds signs appeared that said touching a horse or a cow or any livestock could be hazardous to your health. They warned that each time you touched livestock your life could be in jeopardy. To quell this threat you should go immediately to a bathroom of the correct gender, but beware there might be some dirt loving cowboy or cowgirl hiding in a bathroom stall waiting to cast a little “Cow Pie Dust” over an unsuspecting germaphobe that will probably rekindle his or her immune system to normality. I wonder if they understand healthy?
The instructions are quite explicit as to how to wash your hands. You must wash not just the palms of your hands but between your fingers and under your finger nails with vigorous scrubbing while singing the Happy Birthday song twice. You must use a germicide soap that some corporation has spent millions of dollars in advertising to keep this scam alive. Never mind that there is some evidence that this practice could be creating a super bug that renders this antibiotic worthless just when, we the people, might really need it. While all this hand washing and mental hand wringing
is going on, a line is beginning to form outside our public. It takes a lot of time to wash under 10 fingernails and 20 sides to 10 fingers. As the line grows I can see anxiety growing on the faces of the old and those with small bladders. When finally one old guy can’t stand it any longer, a stream of pee runs down his leg and splatters to the ground. In the bathroom there remains one intrepid soul that has followed the hand washing instructions to his anal best finally leaves the bathroom only to be greeted by a clap of thunder announcing a newly arrived thunderstorm that promptly lets loose a lightning bolt that lights the sky then strikes our poor germaphobe dead as he exits the bathroom. As I perused the line of folks with wet pants who could hold it no longer and this poor fellow dead, I over heard one person say to his friend “I think dirty hands is a better option.”